Rebuilding and Responsibility

“Is there any way that I could get something to eat?  I missed the soup kitchen because I was walking clear across town, and I didn’t make it in time,” the poorly dressed man was obviously homeless and he was soaked from the persistent rain.

On our way to get something to eat, I began to ask Dave* about his situation.  He had just gotten out of jail again.

“What were you in for?” I asked.

“Child support,” he replied.

“How many children do you have?” I questioned.

“Eighteen,” he replied flatly. 

“Eighteen?!” I said in a shocked voice, “How many different baby’s mamas?”

“Nine.” Now 41, his oldest is 25.

“Man, what were you thinking?!” I asked

 “I wasn’t,” was his response, “I was young, wild and crazy, and now I’m paying for it.”

And is he ever paying for it.  He owes over $54,000 in back support, and he is going further down about $750 each month.  He has drywall and painting skills, and he works when he can.  But between companies garnishing all his wages, which makes it impossible for him to be able to keep a place to live, and the government throwing him in jail, which makes it impossible for him to work, he doesn’t have much of a chance.

Men, real fathers and husbands, are an endangered species in our inner city neighborhood.  As mankind, we were created in the image of God, but what you see walking around is a long way from the powerful, valiant creature named Adam that God created and gave dominion of the earth.  Adam and all his sons after him were given an incredible mission: rule and subdue, be fruitful and multiply.  It was as if God said, “Here is the entire earth, Adam.  Explore it.  Cultivate it.  Care for it.  It is your kingdom.”  Talk about an invitation! 

For many today, the image of a father is not a good one.  Men are dangerous, and many fathers have done great harm.  Society as a whole has minimized the role of men.  Many so called experts have even gone so far as to say that fathers are not necessary.

The numbers are frightening.  The majority of violent crimes are committed by men.  More men are in prison today in the U.S. than at any time in history.  In this day, there are more fathers who are not a part of their children’s lives than ever before.  Married, two-parent homes are now the minority.  It has left many people, including many young men with the question, “What is a father?” and the more basic question, “What does it mean to be a man?”  The lack of good answers leads to conclusions that are devastating.

“I’m going to be dead before I’m 25 anyway, so it really doesn’t matter if I finish school,” one young man told me.

“I just feel so mad sometimes that I just want to hurt somebody,” another confided in me.

The fatalism of rapper 50cent’s “Get Rich or Die Tryin’” pervades our young male culture.  Rage engulfs them, feelings that they don’t have anything to live for and that no one really cares anyway.  They play dangerous games, and when they lose, we all lose.  Homes are robbed.  Women are abused.  Lives are lost.  Prisons are filled.

What alternatives do we have to offer?  Honestly, what real options does Dave have?  What options could I have offered to Ike* before he was caught and went back to prison the third time for dealing drugs?

Is it even our problem?  After all, they have made foolish choices.  Aren’t the consequences of those choices just a part of justice?  Many look at the strong men gracing the streets near our homeless shelters with scorn.  “Why should we want to help them?  Just look at all those help wanted signs!  This is the USA!  Anyone can get a job who wants one.”

Well, almost anyone.  There are those classified as convicted felons who need not apply.  There are those who cannot write their own name on the application whose chances are equally slim.  And then there is a whole class of “Daves” – men who will never be able to hold a steady job because they were “young, wild and crazy and now they are paying for it.”

With recidivism rates at an all time high and with more men in prison than ever before, it is clear that the system is broken.  Building more prisons and putting more police on the streets is only a Band-Aid over the deeper problems.  You cannot legislate love.  Regulation is no substitute for relationships.  Love for family and children can never be replaced with any amount of alimony.  We need solutions that balance justice and compassion, punishment and responsibility.

Advancing alternatives where men like Dave can rebuild their lives while still being responsible for their families is both compassionate and just.  Investing in initiatives where convicted felons like Ike can work responsibly and contribute to society is the right thing to do.  Our ministry is committed to doing just that.  We are not working alone, but we believe that the Church is God’s plan and that God’s people should lead the way.  There is no program or substitute for real redemptive relationships within the Body of Christ.